


Welcome to Shotacon! Or, How Satou Tatsuhiro Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cock

by gleefilled



Category: NHK ni Youkoso! (Welcome to the NHK)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 03:50:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefilled/pseuds/gleefilled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having one hand down Yamazaki's pants is definitely not Satou's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Shotacon! Or, How Satou Tatsuhiro Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Benthic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benthic/gifts).



> Just a little treat for you, because I couldn't resist this fandom and prompt!!

Having one hand down Yamazaki's pants is definitely _not_ Satou's fault.

 

***

 

It starts a week earlier in Yamazaki's apartment. They've just returned from a rare outing to Akihabara, where Yamazaki stocked up on six bagsful of new-model figurines and doujinshi. Satou bought a thick doujinshi anthology with a cute girl in a ripped school uniform on the cover, her left eye covered with a patch and her pink lace underwear just barely visible under the frayed hem of her skirt.

 

As soon as they got home, Satou, who'd been bouncing with anticipation, tore off the plastic cover and began enthusiastically poring over each tantalizing page.

 

Yamazaki immediately started carefully making room on his shelves for his new figurines, choosing to ignore Satou's enthralled yelps of "wow!" and "Oh my god!" and "How is this real?!?"

 

He is just setting the new Space Princess Pururin doll up on its stand when Satou tugs on his sleeve, mouth open in an ear-to-ear grin.

 

"Yamazaki," Satou says urgently, thrusting the comic book against Yamazaki's chest, "you have to see this one! She's so _cute _and so _YOUNG_!"

 

Yamazaki pushes his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. The lenses catch the light and glint as he examines the page.

 

Satou's lip trembles, face alight like a puppy eager to please his master.

 

"This one's a boy, Satou…" Yamazaki says slowly, handing the book back.

 

Satou all but explodes. "WHAT?! HOW?!? _WHY?!?!"_

 

Yamazaki just sighs and gestures for Satou to sit down on the bed. Then he nudges his glasses again and begins a lengthly lecture on the origins of shotacon and yaoi. Satou feels very confused, but each time he has a question -- _but where does the... you know ... go...? How do they...?_ \-- Yamazaki is there a second later with a terrifyingly detailed answer. With each sentence, Satou's eyes widen, his face distorting in horror. He looks to a busty sailor girl figurine on Yamazaki's bookshelf for comfort, but she just stares back at him unblinkingly. He doesn't look at Yamazaki because that would just be weird.

 

When Yamazaki is finished, he says seriously, "Satou-san, you really have a lot to learn about the ero market if you want to be a successful creator."

 

Satou jumps up indignantly. "I'm not going to be creating _that_, though!"

 

"But you should be aware of the audience out there." Yamazaki stops and stares into space for a moment, blinks, and then turns back to Satou again. "Even you acknowledged its appeal_..._"

 

"I acknowledged nothing!" Satou argues, his face feeling very warm. "I didn't know what I was looking at!" He storms to the door. "I'm going to go look at porn of girls now," he says, and slams the door behind him as if to make his point.

 

***

 

And that should be the end of it, but it isn't. That night Satou has an uncomfortable dream about Yamazaki in a schoolgirl uniform and wakes up to an erection and a knock at the door from Misaki.

 

"You missed counseling last night," she says matter-of-factly, and Satou isn't sure what he feels more guilty about -- having a sex dream about Yamazaki or having a sex dream about Yamazaki _while he was supposed to be meeting with Misaki_.

 

He rubs the back of his head. "I_..._ had some stuff to work on," he lies. "Sorry."

 

Misaki smiles, clearly seeing right through him. "Don't worry!" she replies, cheerfully unfazed. "Next time, then!"

 

_She really is cute_, Satou thinks, and feels content with the observation. Obviously the dream was just a dream, and everything is back to normal.

 

***

 

But it isn't.

 

This time, Yamazaki is a fierce warrior princess with long eyelashes that flutter prettily when he stands on tiptoe to kiss Satou on the cheek.

 

"Thank you, Prince Satou-sama," he says softly, and it's jarring because he sounds exactly like Yamazaki actually does. Suddenly his long eyelashes disappear and so does the princess costume and he's just Yamazaki, in a t-shirt and wrinkled jeans, and this time when he stretches up for a kiss, Satou shrieks and wakes up, sitting bolt-upright and sweaty on his mattress.

 

He pulls at his hair. _This isn't right, this isn't right_. This isn't _normal_.

 

He looks around his dark room, the shadows clinging to the corners and around his garbage bags. Suddenly he understands. This is just another conspiracy from the NHK. Yes, that must be it! He thinks it through carefully. Yes. _Yes_. If there hadn't been that ad in the middle of the Pururin anime about a sale event in Akihabara, they never would have left their apartment building, and he would never have bought that doujinshi anthology, and would never have seen that shotacon story and mistaken the boy for a girl and learned what yaoi was through the flood of Yamazaki's extensive and unnecessary otaku knowledge, and he definitely wouldn't be having these dreams.

 

Yes, it was definitely yet another conspiracy. He felt somewhat settled at having arrived at this conclusion.

 

***

 

That is, until his afternoon nap turns into an explicit tentacle-rape fantasy in which he, a giant green squid, is jetting through the water after Yamazaki who is inexplicably eight-years-old and floating helplessly in a green inner-tube.

 

And distinctly male, Satou realizes upon waking.

 

***

 

Over the course of the next three days, Satou tries everything to combat the dreams. He downloads another ten gigabytes of porn – mature women with massive breasts, and titillating hourglass frames; cute teenagers with cute asses and big, innocent eyes; girls from Japan and Sweden and even America. He buys a body pillow of a wide-eyed redhead that talks when he squeezes it, saying, "Onii-chan, stop please!" and "Don't do that. I'm too young!" He even hides in the bushes outside an elementary school, only to end up dozing off and wondering what Yamazaki would look like with fox ears.

 

At 7:30 in the morning, after three energy drinks and two beers, he even catches himself accidentally writing a shota character sketch into the galge scenario.

 

He bangs on his keyboard and yells until his throat is hoarse, and over his yelling he can still hear that goddamn theme song carrying hauntingly from Yamazaki's speakers.

 

There really is only one thing to do now, Satou decides, and that's to confront the problem directly; exorcise it once and for all. He gets off his mattress and storms over to Yamazaki's apartment.

 

***

 

When Yamazaki opens the door, Satou can tell from the redness of his cheeks that he's been drinking. Yamazaki smiles stupidly and invites Satou to join him and Satou is about to laugh and agree when he remembers why he came over in the first place.

 

Now, he isn't sure exactly how he intended for this to go, but it certainly wasn't meant to include him shoving Yamazaki up against the wall and kissing him.

 

At the very least, it wasn't meant to _start_ with that!

 

But that _is_ how it starts. Yamazaki lets out a muffled yelp and drops the beer can he was holding. Satou can hear it fizzing pathetically on the floor and imagines his stomach probably sounds about the same at this second.

 

The kiss isn't anything like in his dream, which is probably because Yamazaki isn't actually a warrior princess and is instead shoving against him, pushing him away, and Satou feels really, really mortified. He hadn't meant for it to go this way.

 

He pulls back and somehow pulls Yamazaki with him and the two crumple forward against the opposite wall.

 

Satou knows he's blushing, and he wants to run back to his apartment and hide forever, but he doesn't, and maybe that's just because Yamazaki is sitting on his legs, but it must count for something.

 

Yamazaki looks up at him, confused but strangely not completely angry.

 

"You spilled my beer," he says finally, and then hiccups, suggesting he didn't really need it anyway.

 

"Sorry," Satou says, apologizing for more than just the beer. He looks at Yamazaki's mouth, which is red and wet. It looks way too similar to the girls' mouths in all of Satou's favorite games. Maybe lips are just always the same. Or maybe Yamazaki is different somehow. He wants to ask Yamazaki about it, but before he can, Yamazaki's mouth is pressing against his own, feeling tentative and almost experimental, like a swimmer testing the waters.

 

Satou's head buzzes. He feels like he should be drunk for this. He feels like he already is.

 

He kisses back harder, strangely excited by the feeling. It's real in a way the 2-D girls on his screen never had been, which makes it better, but at the same time painfully frightening. The combination has his blood rushing at double-time.

 

He looks at Yamazaki, every detail of his face in sharp close-up focus at this distance, and sees his right hand trembling in his peripheral vision, so he grabs hold of it. He feels a sharp, surprised puff of breath against his lips. And then after that, he feels Yamazaki's _tongue_.

 

It's not as strange as it should be, Satou thinks, especially considering how completely sober he is. He closes his eyes and lets Yamazaki climb further on top of him, and realizes that this time he isn't trying to distract himself with anything, not mini-skirts or lace panties or too-tight shirts. He's completely in the moment, whatever kind of moment this is. And he isn't freaking out.

 

He nudges his knee in between Yamazaki's legs. He's actually kind of enjoying it. Yamazaki grinds his hips down against Satou's lap and it is startling but feels really good and Satou thinks that maybe being the victim of a no-holds-barred NHK conspiracy might have its perks.

 

Then he feels Yamazaki's fingers on the zipper of his jeans and his eyes blink open automatically. Yamazaki freezes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, looking for some sign of reassurance. _Is this okay?_ Satou isn't sure what he should do, but he doesn't want Yamazaki to stop, not now, so he just echoes Yamazaki's movements and soon their pants are in a pile on the floor and they're heading clumsily to Yamazaki's bed.

 

Yamazaki keeps kissing Satou, and Satou keeps kissing back. It's not like in his dream at all, and it's not like he'd imagine kissing any girl. Yamazaki's teeth pull on his bottom lip and his tongue is everywhere, scatter-brained and kind of awkward but making up for it in enthusiasm, and his mouth tastes like beer and stale peanut snacks, whereas Satou is sure a girl's mouth would taste like strawberries.

 

Satou pushes Yamazaki down onto the bed, and starts to slide his hands up under Yamazaki's t-shirt, but he's startled to not find boobs there and freezes. He opens his eyes again and looks Yamazaki over. Yep, definitely not a girl. But then Yamazaki arches up against Satou and Satou thinks he should stop over-analyzing and just go with it. Yamazaki would look weird with boobs anyway.

 

Satou rocks his hips forward, feeling his erection press against Yamazaki's. It's a different feeling, better than doing this on his own, certainly. Yamazaki seems to agree if his hitching breaths are anything to go by. He lets out a whine that sounds half happy and half scared.

 

He starts to find a rhythm in his movements, and urged on by the beat of the Pururin song coming from Yamazaki's computer, and starts to move faster. Without thinking, his hands slide down to fist Yamazaki's dick, but he doesn't look at what he's doing, because that might be weird. Instead he looks over Yamazaki's shoulder at his screensaver – a cute blue-haired mermaid girl being raped by an enormous starfish penis.

 

Yamazaki moans and bites his lip, hips bucking up urgently. The friction of his body against Satou's erection is almost too much. Satou feels like a beer can that's just been shaken and now he's ready to explode everywhere. He focuses on the screensaver dancing in and out of view behind Yamazaki. _Yes, yes_, he thinks. He feels the beads of sweat on his forehead and a smile at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Satou--" Yamazaki's voice startles him. Satou looks down and sees Yamazaki, face red and lips trembling desperately. "Satou, I'm going to--"

 

He doesn't really need to finish his sentence. Satou already knows. And that's because Satou is coming, too.

 

***

 

"Satou-san?" Yamazaki's voice is gentle, but his foot on Satou's shoulder is not. Satou sits up, and sees a bleary-eyed Yamazaki looking at him from the bed. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Um," Satou starts, unsure how to proceed.

 

Yamazaki rubs his eyes and grimaces, obviously hungover. He gets up, this time careful not to step on Satou, and as he's walking to the bathroom mumbles, "I had the strangest dream_..._"

 

Satou, on the other hand, had never slept better.

 


End file.
